How to Cure Hiccups

I’ve seen too many people suffering needlessly. I have to share this. Look, if you’re suffering form hiccups currently, are you have in the past, or you think you may in the future… if they run in the family, perhaps you know someone that suffers; here’s how to cure hiccups. It works. Seriously, it works, you just have to trust me, and do as I say, to the letter. Hiccups are caused by a spasming diaphragm below your lungs. What you want to do it calm it. So here’s what you do:

1. Hyperventilate for a few seconds. Breath in deeply, rapidly (but not too rapidly). Warm your lungs up.

2. Now that the lungs are warmed, prepare yourself. Are you prepared? Good.

3. Take a deep breath, and then hold it. Now that you’ve just taken that deep breath, take in just a little bit more, and hold it.

4. OK so you’ve taken in a DEEP breath plus some, and you’re holding it. It’s a lot of pressure, I know. You probably feel it against your throat, right? Don’t worry. You only have to hold it for like 40 seconds.

5. Yes, 40 seconds. Dammit don’t argue, just do it. You can do it.

6. 1,2, skip a few… 40. OK, notice anything? That’s right, the hiccups are gone.

How does this work? I don’t know exactly. I learned from my dad when I was about 8 or 9 years old. It’s worked each and every time for me since then without fail, and it’s never failed anyone else that I’ve told it to. I think it has something to do with stretching the diaphragm out and keeping it like that, though I’m still notquite sure of the mechanics. Look, don’t worry about it, alright? But forget drinking a cup of water upside down with a wrench between your knees or something like that (don’t look at me like that; what you never had a crazy uncle?). Just take a deep breath + some, and then hold it for 30-40 seconds. Works every time.

And spread the word; random bob is full of useful, pertinent advice that will get you laid.