Recently Watched: Eagle vs Shark; Rock n' Rolla

A long, long time ago, in a county far, far away, I was linked to a trailer for Eagle vs. Shark. It looked interesting. Sort of oddball comedy, and hey, I like oddball, right? Hell I own the box-set of the Naked Gun series, yo. (who the f*ck says “yo”? I take that back. You never heard that).

Well in talking to this same person recently over video chat, it came up again. It was on my Netflix queue, and I just sort of ‘bumped it’ to the top, along with some other movie fare.

It wasn’t quite what I expected. I expected a comedy and that’s what, I got, yes. But I expected more of a touching love story between two retards who discover that they’re perfect for each other, interspersed with comedic elements; they are retarded, after all. But instead, you follow around this girl, who is just plain enamored with this ‘tard of a guy, and she’s sweet and innocent and you like her, but the guy she likes is not just a ‘tard, but a freakin’ a**hole too. And… well, it’s hard to root for him. You really just sort of want her to go back home and find another, nicer ‘tard to become infatuated with.

It’s not a terrible movie by any stretch, but it had twinkles of what could have been that really sort of spoiled the reality of what we got. I desperately wanted the no-good ‘tard-man to see the light, and realize that indeed, he’s being given something well beyond what he deserves in life.

And really? Beating up the wheelchair guy? OK, funny maybe. But definitely didn’t endear that guy to my heart.



Rock n’ Rolla
This was actually the other movie that got pushed up to the top of my queue at a friend’s request. I was told, it’s a lot like snatch.

Have we met? You know me, right? Then you know Snatch is in close running for my all-time favorite comedy, dark or no.

Well it is done by the same guy (Guy Ritchie). It is an english ‘mobster’ movie. There’s a fat black guy. There’s an old kingpin. And, the similarites end about there. Mostly where it derails is that the story is weak, and the dark comedy isn’t really there. In Snatch, all the character’s paths cross, no matter how disparate they are. In this one, everyone’s paths cross, but it’s totally expected. wtf?

There’s also the issue of them living inside their own reality. Yes I know it’s a movie, it’s fiction, blah blah blah. But look, in Snatch, everything was well-enough explained. You knew where the money was coming from. It all made sense. In this, people are rich and you don’t know why or how much, what their motivations are, or why they have a fear of cats. You’re just sort of handed that on the program or something.

“Tonight, Guy Ritchie will be performing ‘Snatch’ only not as good. There will be refreshments in the lobby, after the show. Characters will enter the showing and you will assume they are badasses. This will not be shown. Oh, and there are two classes of Russians: those that are wealthy and no one knows why, and those that are tough homosexuals. Enjoy the show.”

I didn’t. At least, not as much as I wanted & hoped.