The Mighty Taco Almost Mighty Stuck

Yes it’s true: we almost got the Mighty Tacoma stuck today.

It all started when we woke up this morning to sunshine and still winds. We figured, hey, let’s go and do what we wanted to do yesterday, and hang out at the river all day! And it was so.

Now, we’ve been to the river before, many a time. And the Taco is well-equipped for off-road outings. What it’s not well-equipped for is mud bogs. Yes I got some decently-aggressive All-Terrain tires, but they’re not mud boggers, and they’re not even Mud-Terrain tires, either. So when you hit that thick, slimy, goopy mud, you’re f*cked, unless it’s very thin to hard bottom below, and/or you are carrying a lot of speed to float over it (and it’s not long enough for you to get buried axle-deep when attempting this).

I was not expecting it, and thus had a) no speed going for me to speak of, and b) it was soft and next to a river, so no hard bottom below. Queue being stuck.

What made it especially scary (butt pucker factor of about 7.6) was that it was on a slope towards the water, and we were close to it from the start. So with each bad move (and even any good moves), we kept sliding closer & closer to the water.

OH, the fun we had. First we tried to just go with some wood under the tires to get us moving forward, but eventually, it was apparent this was fruitless. Not because we couldn’t do that and go forward, but rather because what lay in front of us was a steeper slope into the water – and thus a taller set of soft, slimy mud and a steeper angle to try and climb at the same time.

Trust me. I know. That picture is one that I took after we tried that for the last time, and I got enough of a head of steam that I thought I could carry that up the embankment & to some ground I could get a grip on. And if you take a critical look at it, you may notice that you can’t actually see any tread on the back tire (I cleaned the treads on the front with a stick before the shot). Go ahead, click it for a larger version. I’ll wait. (...)

See, that’s the zinger, that’s the reason I was saying above that unless you have AT LEAST Mud-Terrains or better yet, Mud boggers, you’re f*cked when you hit this sh!t. Because even if you’re not on deep mud, the real problem lies in the fact that it just compacts and – worse even – cakes & sticks onto the tires, covering up any and all of your lugs, effectively rendering your tread pattern worthless, and setting you up with a nice set of slicks. Yes, it’s the best of both worlds (sarcastic): you’re driving with slicks, on slick-as-hell mud. Joy.

But all is well. I am home typing. Or rather, I was, as by the time you read this I’m no longer, but this isn’t a philosophical post, so let’s just move on. How’s it we got out? Well, after that picture you see – right after I tried the going forward and up the slope trick that didn’t work, over & over –we tried backing up. It took some convincing of The Girl that it might work – because I was going towards the water – but we eventually settled that going forward on sloppy, slimy, deep mud up an ever-deepening incline wasn’t going to work (obviously), so what the hell, right? Right.

We loaded up the backs of the tires with wood and brush, and I tried to make a makeshift “wood levy” to keep the truck from sliding towards the water as much as possible. It sort of worked. Well hell, it worked. I ended up backing our way out of the problem area. Eventually. After a few attempts. Over a bush, but what the f*ck ever dammit, it’s better than fishing a $35K (retail, not actual cost) truck out of the river, especially since I don’t have friends and thus would have to pay for it :(.

And now, I need Mud-Terrains. Yes. Deal with it.