Seen: Push, the Movie

Well, we all make mistakes. We watched this piece of poo, actors acted in this piece of poo, and a certain writer & director wrote & directed this piece of poo. There was some hope for it, it had some promise, but that promise quickly turned out to be a lie, much like that pony you were told you were getting for your birthday if you were a really really good kid at the grocery store, remember? Kinda like that.

We watched to the end, we just kept hoping, maybe somehow something at the end will make it all make sense. And in a way, that sort of happened, though it was after the credits, buried in the Special Features section – the writer explained that when we began researching for the film, he – and he made sure to tell us all we should do this – typed in “psychic experiments” into google, and says he was blown away that stuff came up.

I am not lying.

So basically, this movie was written because this dumbass hadn’t yet heard of the internet, I guess. Or comic books, because um, it would seem that X-men had sort of blazed this path previously. And better. Maybe he can treat us to a new movie later, called “Pull,” about a man who dresses up in a Bat costume and saves a metropolitan area from itself.

Oh and Dakota, darling? Like you a lot, but you shouldn’t let them dress you in that stuff. I was confused – should I call Child Welfare? Should I put money down your boots? Should I hug you and tell you it’s going to be OK? Is it halloween? Did they REALLY dress a super-skinny pre-teen girl in a hooker outfit in Hong Kong or wherever and expect us to believe she’s not worn-the-F*ck–out, if you’re pickin’ up what I’m throwin’ down?

F*ck; wasted a Netflix queue position. DAMMIT.