Home-Shopping with the 'bob

House Shopping 101
We’re not in dire need of a new place mind you, but we’re looking. Not at much, we’re still poor, but we’re looking. I had been saying that I think the market’s probably going to take another year or two to bottom out, but here’s the thing: bottoms come after the declines slow. If we’re spending $13K annually to rent, and in that year’s span home prices in our range drop only $10K and then bottoms? Was it worth it? No.

And what’s more, I think the market around here is at a point where sellers & banks are starting to realize that the market is not the 2005 housing market, and what’s more, that there’s no such thing as a “2009 housing market.” Meaning, essentially, that there’s what homes sold for last year, and there’s what they’ll sell for in a year or two. I think we might be able to get away with offering a lowball amount of what we predict that the house will/would sell for in 1-2 years. And while at first it may seem rude or low, the reality is… if a home is listed right now @ $200k let’s say, and we offer $170k? That may seem low, but in 12-18 months, when it’s STILL on the market & they are forced to reduce the asking price to $185K, suddenly that “lowball offer” seems about right.

And I’m counting on the banks & sellers to start to come to this realization, that they should be thinking 18-24 months out. I think the time is about right.



Business 101
Another thing we looked into was just buying the property and plopping (?) down a manufactured home onto it. This seemed like a feasibility when we found a 2-acre parcel listed for $80k. We figured, if we could get into a decent-sized (read: 1,500 sq.ft. Or larger) manu for $50-60k, then we’d have basically what we really want for a ‘starter’ home, and at a good price.

This did not materialize. And for many reasons, which I shall enumerate.

I call to see if I can sit down with the local manu- folks and go over available plans & pricing. I get the address, and they tell me that their offices are NOT at the show area, which I knew but hey I needed the address anyway so gimme gimme gimme. About an hour later I arrive at this place, and it’s not even an office suite, it’s a house in a residential neighborhood. Walk in, and I’m greeted by the biggest, most assuredly virgin, inbreed dork I have ever met in my life. He makes me look like a damned porn star he’s so virginly pure and stupid. And it doesn’t get that much better when we meet the incestual father of the inbreed dork. He’s the ringleader I guess, and he comes in, and asks what we want.

Uh, a latté, two shots of flavor & no foam. What do you think we want?!

After we worked through the difficult task of figuring out what we were doing there, we sat down and went over the plans & price list. And right away, I was thinking there’s no way we’re doing this. For the size we would want, we’re looking at at least $85k, and then if you want just a little bit more, maybe a triple-wide (!), it jumps to $125k. You want a solid foundation with that? Add in at least $16k. Sort of makes you wonder what they’re doing in business. I mean, if I was going to have a house built at around 1,800 sq.ft. Or so, I think that honestly, instead of paying $125k plus $16k for a triple-wide & a solid foundation, I’d just have it actually built, thankyouverymuch.

We stayed, we asked the questions we had intended to ask since we had already driven all the way out there, but pretty much when we got back to the car, we made a list of reasons why we would not be doing business with them. It goes a little something like this (and a-one, and a-two, and a-one, two three four!):

• So, you sell manufactured homes, you’re trying to push the manufactured homes thing as being as good or better than a “regular” frame house. Yet…… you run the business out of a regular frame house in an old-fashioned, framed-house neighborhood. Riiiiighhhht…… OK look peeps: perhaps you should have maybe used some of those fabulous proceeds to procure a manu- for yourself, to use as office & residence; sort of show us how awesome these things really are, and how much you stand behind them?

• If you have an inbred, half-retarded offspring that maybe once got a boner over a calculator and/or Bert & Ernie, keep it locked in the back room, well-distracted with lettered blocks or something. He’s scaring away your customers. No lie, the first thing I thought when I saw him was oh great, this isn’t even legit, it’s going to be one of those MLM schemes isn’t it?

• Business 101, y’all: if I stroll into your place of business/residence, don’t ask me what I am doing there. Assume it’s not an accident. Show me what you got, ask questions. I’m here to be sold. So sell. See it’s called business, and you’re doing it wrong.

Dag. We need to move to the midwest. I mean, $150-200k, and all we’re getting is a city lot. California’s too expensive :-(