'Twas the night before Wednesday...

Wait, what was that? We’re not supposed to open presents until the 25th of the month? Tradition, you say?

Oops. Well, scratch that.

Yeah, we’re not big on tradition I guess. Mostly me, and mostly it’s not even necessary being against tradition, as it is being impatient in general. Especially when there’s a gift and my name is attached (to or from, doesn’t matter). So we sat around the first week of December telling each other how we know what the other is getting, and making deals about if I can open this one, then you can open that one, et cetera.

Then came the fateful day. What day exactly is not important, and I can’t even remember what day it was and it’s not like we’re going to make a new tradition out of it or anything, so just focus on the fact that it was the first week of December. We decided to open a present each, and next thing we knew, the tree was bare. Was a good X-mas? Yeah, I’d say it was.

I got The Girl a new dining table. When we moved in here, we had inherited this hideous excuse for furniture. It was a round, glass-top dining table with four chairs on rollers. The wood was about the color of pale and it looked like plastic. And the fabric padding on the chair was a pale baby blue. I guess it was supposed to be old-folks furniture, but it seemed even to gaudy for that; it had to be blind-folks furniture or something. Anyway. It’s gone now, replaced by a cherrywood-colored set, 48” long with 4 chairs. It’s not the greatest quality in the world, but it was a bargain and will do for us until we get to where it is we’re going, and even into some of the time once we get there.

As for me… well I got a great gift, one that I actually asked for last year: an old-fashioned, Double-Edged Safety Razor. Score! I’ve been shaving with it for a week or two now, and I can say that it’s a bit different than the cartridge razors my generation has grown up with, and quite a bit better once you figure it out.

I have had issues with the bottom of my neck for many years now. I have not been able to shave more than a couple of times a week for that time, and even then it gets irritated quickly. I’m not 100% sure what the main culprit is, but I suspect is has a lot to do with the fact that my stubble is like rod-iron gates, and today’s razors generally suck ass. I just couldn’t do it. I could shave once against the grain for a close, smooth shave, and then 3 or 4 days later I could shave with the grain and look halfway presentable for half a day, or I could shave with the grain every 2nd or 3rd day and look like I was constantly a day removed from a long vacation. This was life with my face.

It’s not the greatest set in the world, but from what I understand, the more expensive ones are really just more convenient in how they accept the blade itself, and as long as you have a badger hair brush (this is, apparently, the holy grail of the “DE” shave) you’re on the right track. And thus far I’m very impressed. Impressed enough in fact that I think all of you should do it, too.

Think of this: I don’t have much an issue with irritation any longer, the blades last at least as long, and they’re seriously pennies on the dollar. Contrast this with today’s cartridges, which run anywhere from 2 or 3 shoddy blades all the way up to 5, across your face with each and every stroke. And to top it off, you can generally only get a couple of good shaves out of it (unless you’re cheating) before you have to replace the cartridge, and those run anywhere from $8 for a 4-pack to $11 for a 4-pack,depending on the model.

You do the math, right? I mean, better results, less cost… it’s like someone saying you can either sleep with an ugly partner that bitches constantly, or a pretty one that is gentle and compliant.

I’ll take “That’s a f*cking Easy One” for $2000, Alex.

Best. Christmas gift. EVER.