The REAL Dark Knight, & iTunes Logic

It’s Finally here: The Abridged Script for The Dark Knight.
Read all about it. READ IT GODAMMIT! Yeah I liked the movie, yeah it’s pretty good, but c’mon, it’s got tons of folly to it. It’s riddled with plot holes & plot devices (that sounds sort of sexual, doesn’t it?) that are there because without them, the movie would just have to end at about the 45-minute mark, because it’s otherwise impossible to make the jump to the rest of the implausible story.

A friend and I yesterday were discussing our least-favorite things about it. He called shenanigans on the whole “Maggie falls from a building onto the top of a car and LIVES.” I still think that the Joker being OMNIPOTENT and knowing things no one could know in order to make a ridiculous set of plans work is the most shenanigan of all, however.

Favorite line from the Abridged Script?

HEATH LEDGER [to Maggie Gyllenhal @ party]
I can wait. Want to hear a story? Once upon a time, I had a wife. She was beautiful, like you. Er, no, I mean in complete contrast to you. You’re actually kind of a butterface. But at least you’re not Katie Holmes, I like that.
BAT-BALE
Then you’re gonna love me!

It’s so great because it digs so hard @ Katie Homely, then ties right back into the actual movie lines. It’s just brilliant.



Artists Avoiding iTunes because: Singles are cannibalizing Album Sales
Well duh. Look, I think it’s a sad statement to make that you’re keeping your music off iTunes (Kid Rock) because people don’t want to buy your entire album. You know what that essentially means? Your music is largely crap. You want me to buy an album instead of the two good songs on that album? How about this: don’t put two GOOD songs on an album and then fill it with absolute crap-as-filler. Try that. See if that works. Maybe album sales will go up if albums, you know, don’t suck.

If you’re of the mindset that I should own your entire CD to “understand” your music, then there’s something about your audience I think you should “understand”: We don’t care about your semi-rich people problems. We like one or two songs, we really only want those one or two songs. I don’t feel like paying you for sh!t I don’t like.

I know it’s weird, but how’s this for a trade: I’ll buy your crappy songs I don’t want, if you buy my crappy macaroni art that I glued onto some pieces of white paper that nobody wants. Deal?

F*cking Putzes.

Delays With New Vehicle Parts

Delays With the Shell
I had stopped in yesterday at the shell dealer (it’s a Leer, by the way) to see what’s up with it, when it’s supposed to be in, and all. He said that it’s supposed to arrive this Friday (that’s tomorrow), and we set up an appointment to have it installed that afternoon.

Now I can retire the 4Runner, get it detailed, & get it sold! Great!

Until, that is, a few hours later. We get a phone call, the guy tells us they won’t have it until the middle of next month. How fucked up is that? That’s an additional two weeks away. He offered an additional $75 off the price, but still. I mean, that’s an extra month I have to pay insurance on the 4Runner and worry about it, now. I got this truck to replace it, and I’ve spent the last two weeks already parking the Taco & digging out the Retired Vet to do the job.

Little pissed, here.

Delays w/ the Skid Plate, too
Remember how they forgot to order & install the Skid Plate? They said it would be here by this passed Monday. It’s now less than 3 hours from Friday. Methinks they forgot again.

Grrr. Tomorrow we call. See if we can’t at least get that straightened out.

Fish Tales, & it's quite the life

That’s my story & I’m sticking to it
So I’m sort of thinking now that the shark that “washed up” on the beach in front of me was actually a Great White. Yeah, that kind of Great White. The one they make scary stories out of. The kind that grow to 20-ft long & 5,000lbs. So here’s the deal, you’re getting in on the ground floor on this, OK?

From now on, I caught the shark. When we mention it, random bob did not “find” a baby shark on the beach. He caught a Great White. No mention will be made of the size, other than to tell people that Great Whites are around 15-20 ft long & close to 5,000lbs. Random bob caught a Great White, I can’t stress this enough.

That’s my story from here on out, and I’m sticking to it.

OK stop hiding
You know who you are. You could totally be online right now chatting with me. But you’re not. Because you’re pretending to have more important things to do on a Thursday night, like go out. Sort of implying that I don’t have a life or something, like you.

Whatever. Liar. F*cking sign on and talk to me, dammit, so I can show you how much of a life I have!

Shark Day

No Photoshop was used in the creation of this photo. That is a real, live shark.

?

Real, live… dead… shark?

OK OK, how’s this: It’s a real photograph… of a wild-yet-dead shark that we came across… while walking along the beach yesterday morning. It was just me & the dogs (Miles, Zoey, Chase, & Hunter OH MY!) on the outing, and we came across it as we were walking back. It’s obviously just a baby shark, at most 2-ft long. But it washed up completely intact, and as we came up to it, I was actually a little worried. Because I didn’t know how long it had been there, and I didn’t want the dogs getting too close and it lashing out on it’s last breaths and getting a mouthful of Lab or mutt, you know? I mean sh!t, look at these teeth:

Yeah, you don’t want to be getting too close. What if it was a girl? And what if it was “that time” of the month? It’s mad, it’s bleeding, it’s bloated, and it also happens to be marooned on a beach? Watch out. Those’re some ferocious teeth, mang.



There were some other paths I was contemplating taking with this blog, other than the standard-issue descriptive narrative. One was along the lines of “meet my new attorney-at-will.” Considering the pic, I was also going to go with “Chase, the Shark Hunter.”

On that note: no lie, someone I know of saw the pic and asked if Chase had killed the Shark. You know, because people often send their land-based dogs into the water to hunt & kill the most fearsome killer of the oceans. ?

Anywho, this was a first for me, seeing a real, live… dead… shark(?) wash up on the beaches up here. Thought I’d share. Really makes me reconsider my desire to learn to surf up here, though. I can just hear the corny 70’s theme Music from Jaws starting up right now.

Duh-dun… duh-dun duh-dun…

Anyway, here’s a Photo Gallery of the damned thing. Enjoy that as well.

Buffalo Adventures, Beer Adventures, & Republican Bashing

Mmmmmm…. Bison!
Holy crap I ate a buffalo. Sort of on accident. Kind of.

When I went shopping a couple of weeks ago – our monthly expedition on which we stock up for the entire month, including meats – I wanted a couple of sirloins. Of which, it turned out they had none. I’m friendly with the guy behind the counter, and he said that he did have some Buffalo behind the scenes, if I’d like to try that. Would I like to try that?

Yeah, sure, why not?

Well a couple of days ago, The Girl gets out some meat for us to BBQ, and gets the marinate underway. Then of course, I throw it on the barbie, and we get to grubbing a short while later. Gobbled it all up, didn’t really think much about it other than should have put more salt on these bad boys.

Anyway, as we were cleaning up and thinking about dinner for the next day, I said “let’s try the buffalo!” And The Girl went looking through our Dead Cow stuff to pull it out. ...And couldn’t find it. Looked around, thought maybe he didn’t actually get it for me. Then thought to pull the sirloin wrappers out of the trash (I’m an expert trash digger btw), and sure enough, it’s clearly marked “Buffalo Sirloins.”

I’d say ‘tastes like chicken,’ but that’s far too cliché, and wildly inaccurate – though still highly entertaining. I will say this, though: It didn’t taste drastically different from the free-range cattle we sustain ourselves on. But it costs more. Which means, of course, that we probably won’t be doing buffalo again soon. Unless it’s on you, in which case, I’ll fire up the barbie.



Cheap Date
OK another dinner-related story. Yesterday I get home from work and there’s a half a beer on the counter. I ask what’s up, The Little Woman tells me that it’s for me. Apparently her roast recipe called for half a beer or something, and for a man to drink the rest of it. Betty Crocker promoting drunken men, who knew? But, cool, whatever.

So those of you who know me know I don’t drink. Like, much ever. This escapade I think takes me up to 1-1/2 beers this year. And as I tried to finish off this half-a-beer, it really became apparent. Because 1) even only half a beer is damn challenging for me to throw down, and 2) not 30 minutes later I could feel that I was drunk.

Yes, that’s right, you give me half a beer, and you can do whatever you want with me. ‘bob’s a cheap date.

Hell, skip the beer – you can still probably do what you want with me ;-)



The Mclaughlin Group
I watch a lot of PBS. I don’t have cable, and I find that other than the corny stuff, PBS usually fits the bill (especially the nature programming). Anyway, last night after our scheduled Nature Show, They had The Mclaughlin Group on. Tuned in to watch, and something stood out to me: Namely, that the hardline republicans, the American Apologists, really don’t sound all that smart. They were discussing the recent quagmire WRT Georgia & Russia. Most of the people on the set were talking about how it’s in America’s best interests to back off of this issue, because in all reality, it’s better to keep friendly ties w/ Russia than it is to protect Georgia, which we’re not that into protecting anyway.

One of the sticking points was whether Russia was provoked or “invaded” Georgia. Turns out that despite how the Bush Regime and the US media spins it, Georgia actually drew first blood by invading Ossetia, a province sort of loyal to Russia that’s trying to be annexed a lil’; shown a lil’ love, you know?

Anyway, Russia strikes back, and it’s being shown as the ‘aggressor’ in the situation. Everyone pretty much agreed that given the facts, it’s sort of not the case. Everyone, except a blond hardliner. Despite the fact that the facts, she maintained that Russia was the aggressor and should be stopped. No matter how many times they pointed out that GEORGIA INVADED OSSETIA, she would not relent. She then went on to say that Russia should not be allowed to invade other countries to spread their influence, as it’s just wrong, blah blah blah.

Oh really?

Wonder where she’s been the last 5 years or so. You know, during which time her lovely bushie hero has been trying to spread his influence with bullets. Look b!tch, I actually agree with you on that one principle: no one should be allowed to spread their influence by forcibly conquering someone else. It’s just that I think what’s good for the goose should suffice for the gander as well. And I think that perhaps you and others like you should perhaps try applying your foreign policy skillz at home. If you want to talk that talk, you need to walk that walk.

Republicans: talking to hear their own voices since 1890.



$100
I’ll send a pic of a $100-bill to the first person who can get the joke of the picture that accompanies this blog. It’s not hard! But you gotta be hip to the reference -- it’s a generational thing :-)

Ace Hardware & the Case of the Missing Tape

So remember those speaker wires? They may be relatively cheap to replace, but the thing is: I didn’t want to have to re-run all that wire. Because as it is now, it’s run through a series of clamps nailed into the back of the entertainment center-thingy which keeps all my wires neatly organized, and then run under a couple of floor strips, underneath a couch, underneath another floor strip, then around & along a wall to the speakers. So I figured what the hey, I will probably need some butt connectors (stop laughing) in the future, and some electrical tape, so I went to Ace to get the stuff necessary to repair the wires.

I hear, after all, that Ace is the Place (since 1974).

First aisle I come across is the Tape. Figured I didn’t really care about the particular order of things I got, just so long as I got everything on my short little list (note: butt connectors [stop laughing], electrical wire, double-sided tape to reattach the floor strips to the, uh, floor). So yeah, Tape aisle, here I come.

I get there, I take a look around, I see… tape. All kinds of tape! Duct tape! Duck tape. Plastic tape! Masking tape. Cloth tape! Wood tape. Double-sided mounting tape, even! I see all kinds of tape! Except of course, for electrical tape. Can’t find it. Search high, search low, can’t find it. Oh well, I figure, I’ll probably find some with the electrical connectors. Which, I did.

But here’s the thing: They don’t put Electrical tape on the tape aisle, but all the other kinds of tape? What’s so special about electrical tape, then? I mean, if you can’t put it on the “tape” aisle because you say it belongs with the electrical stuff it’s going to accompany, then why have Duct tape on the tape aisle? Why not stock that with the ducts? And Masking tape? Why not with the… the… masks? Oh wait, it’s for painting, right? OK, then how about with the paint supplies then, instead of the tape aisle? My point being, there’s absolutely no reason they could give as to why the electrical tape doesn’t belong on the tape aisle that doesn’t also equally apply to every other kind of tape they have in stock, that they still see fit to give a facing to on the damned Tape Aisle. So why not put the electrical tape there, too?

Stupidity, I figure. That and just to piss me off, maybe.

Tacoma only 85%, & Politics and History

So about those options…
I mentioned 3. I had ordered three. Showed up to pick up the Taco?

Saw two. Suh-weet.

The Running boards & Roof Rack made it on. The Skid Plate? Not so much. Didn’t actually exist on the Tacoma. I figured what happened was this: The original new truck was ordered but had the skid plate pre-installed when they got it, so they didn’t order it. However, when the original new truck was returned and the NEW new truck was ordered & then delivered, no one caught that little detail.


Until, that is, random bob showed up on the scene.

Found the sales manager – who was not happy to see me – and got it straightened out. He pretty much verified that what I thought was probably the issue was indeed the issue. Yeah, he was a little worried at first sight of me. He’s been well-trained that seeing the ‘bob ususally means that something is the matter. But it wasn’t that bad this time, and he was on top of it. Should be in by Monday. Suh-weet.

It sucks a Tad. Not this Tad. But just a little bit.

Doesn’t matter too much however, as I’m not putting the truck to the test until I get the Shell, anyway. I mentioned it before, but I’m not going anywhere in it for too long without the dogs. Especially now with the new guys. Yeah. Little bastards. I’m out eating right now. They’re probably eating more speaker wires as I type.

Dammit.



What the funk: Politics
I don’t get it. The public has an abysmally-low rating of the current presidency, led by monkey-boy Georgie Bush. Like, abysmally-low. Yet somehow, McCain’s not only running, but according to one pole at least, is in the lead?

So let me get this straight: The American People don’t like bush anymore, feel they’ve been lied to & misled for the last 4-8 years, and want change. Then see fit to essentially re-elect him? In the form of McCain? Who’s essentially the Bush Candidate reincarnated, but older (is that possible?)?

Holy f*ck. Canada, come save us. Apparently, we’re too stupid to do it ourselves. We need an intervention.

You know, I really think we should re-think that whole Civil War thing. The South may have been on to something. I sure as hell don’t want them dragging me down. Let them be their own collection of idiots, I say.

I say a lot, I know. But I definitely say that.

Tacoma reaches 100% tomorrow, Dogs might not live to see it

Options Installed Tomorrow
When we got the truck, we had specified a certain set of additional options. Since the trucks don’t come with them, they were ordered and are to be installed tomorrow, actually. Front skid plate, roof rack, & running boards, oh my!

Oh, and Perma-Plate. ? It’s an additional option that struck our fancy. It’s basically a factory-applied protectant that they cover the exterior & interior with. Prevents stains, cost us an additional $600. Thing is, it also includes an annual interior & exterior detail job for 5 years. That itself typically goes for $200-$300 a pop, so after 2 years it’s paid for in its entirety. We felt it was worth it, since an annual detail job is something we budget for anyway.



Dogs might be dead before end of month
Last night I get home and they had eaten a couple of the speaker wires run to our back speakers. This includes the subwoofer. I am understandably pissed.

I should have seen it coming. Two days before, they had pulled up the wire cover that goes across the floor. Didn’t touch the wires at that time, just pulled up the cover. It was clearly a warning; a sign of what was to come.

Little bastards -- no one takes my bass away and lives.



Eating a whole lot more than we had figured initially
They’re hungry little guys! We had assumed that they’d cost us about 2x as much as the current two we have. We figured incorrectly. We figured, multiply our current food intake by two and then put an equals sign and look at the number, done. Doesn’t quite work that way. See our old food intake schedule was based off of one hungry lab and a mutt that hardly eats. Now we have 3 have three hungry labs and the same ol’ mutt that hardly eats. So it’s closer to 3x the rate of food intake.

I bought a 50lb bag of dog food for the labs (they eat different food than Zoey as she as skin issues) on August 12th. As of today (the 20th), I figure I have a week left. That puts a 50lb bag at two weeks. That’s 100lbs a month just for the labs, not considering the amounts zoey eats. Though that’s not much, as I said.

I just wish they’d sh!t less. Especially on the sidewalk at night. Bastards.

OH NO YOU DIDN'T Just pollute!

The Girl was poking around at some links I sent her and wound up on this funny political picture blog. Some are good, some are dumb, but one was laugh-out-loud hilarious, so I thought I’d share. It might be my favorite picture ever. The basic idea is sort of the same as the “lolcats” over at icanhascheezburger.com – take a picture, add a caption, laugh. Simple.

I’m not sure exactly why this image is so funny to me, but damned if it isn’t. It is. Ignore that. I find it hilarious. You can take a gander at it in full-scale by going here or clicking on the picture. Enjoy.

Tales from the Beach

OK it’s disclaimer time: I recount this tale from the mouth of The Girl. So there. Anyway.

First things first. Jelly Fish? Our dogs like to eat them. I at least am guessing it’s jellyfish, it’s a jelly-like substance washed up on the shore. Any other ideas? No? OK then, we’re going with jellyfish! So yeah, they like to eat the jellyfish. Lick, nibble, you name it. Maybe it’s like “Doggy pepper,” you know?

Now for the juicy bit. Apparently, Miles is not a big fan of fresh fish. As they were all walking back towards the truck (still along the shore), they passed by what appeared to be a man fishing, but which actually turned out to be a girl. Not that that is actually important, but I thought I’d share, in case you were interested in manly-looking-women-beach-fishing or something. Well apparently this she-dude had a bucket of fish that Miles went to go and sniff. Now when Miles gets close to food that belongs to someone else, we all hold our breath, because usually it means that he’s about to make someone really mad at us. We’re used to this by now.

Seriously, though: food? Around a Lab? Are you serious?

Anyway, Miles got away with it this time because the lady didn’t see, and The Girl didn’t feel inclined to tell her. Thing is though, it wasn’t the “stealing a fish” like we all thought by the way the story unfolds. Nope. Rather, Miles decided to pee in her bucket of fish.

So you can see why The Girl did not really want to draw the attention of this lady to her bucket, eh?

God I hope she washes her fish before she eats them. I really really hope she does.

Ewww.