Friday, June 27, 2008

Coldplay: Decent Music, Not-So-Decent Live Performances

I like Coldplay for the most part. Their first two CD’s at least were worth the price, I haven’t so much played with anything else by them. I like their style, I like what they have to say, and the way they sing it, it’s a decent-enough listen. But here’s the thing:

They’re categorized as Alternative Rock. But more accurately, they’re like soft-rock, or soft-rock-pop, which there’s nothing necessarily wrong with that. Hey, I like them still, so who cares? Where I think it all gets derailed though, is when you are watching them perform. They (the lead man especially so,
Chris Martin) tend to “rock out” with their “roosters out” as if they’re the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Which they are not. Coldplay’s hardest songs are still softer than RHCP’s softest songs, am I right? And honestly, if you’re singing some sort of ballad, it only seems fitting that you sit there on your piano, and calmly (yet intently) sing your ballad.

Jumping up and down to a rhythm that doesn’t exist in the song you’re singing looks remarkably out of place, Chris. Trying sooooo hard to “dress down” as your style really means you’re on the verge of selling yourself out, though maybe not to the highest bidder. I mean, if you’re trying to say “I don’t care how I look” and it’s painfully obvious that you put in
way too much effort into your tattered clothes… well it’s kinda the opposite effect, wouldn’t you say?

I saw them this morning on our
newly-viewable Today Show on NBC, rocking out with their roosters out, going to town like they were the Smashing Pumpkins in their prime or something, and really I just couldn’t help but laugh. How f*cking lame, you know? How f*cking lame. And this wasn’t an isolated incident. Each time I watch them perform, I get the same lame-O laugh going on. Seriously, whenever they perform, if they have ants in their pants and Chris just has to get up and groove like it’s 1999 or something, I think they should just pull the curtains and perform behind the veil, you know?

Coldplay: You sing soft rock ballads. Stick with that. Show us that. You’re not Elvis, you’re not RCHP, you’re not Smashing Pumkins. You’re Coldplay. So f*cking act like it.

Mostly I think it’s Chris Martin’s fault. I am pretty sure the guy is
just a royal loon. But what do I know? Besides everything. Seriously man, lay off the drugs.


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